wisdom without substance is just a word.

in the park on main street. both sat on a bench near the lamp post.

boy: its been seven years.

girl: i know.

boy: you know you wanted it.

girl: yes, i know.

both gave a sudden glance then a long pause.

boy: remember the time when we’re walking late at night by the street.

girl: yeah, we were waiting for a cab.

boy: and we never got one.

girl: you know it’s your fault.

boy: yeah. well, we both got tired.

girl: i never really did.

boy looks up. looks at the stars. then looks at the girl.

boy: so how are we back then?

girl: crazy.

boy: we were too young to understand what that meant.

girl: for me it means a lot.

boy: so you understood?

girl: yeah, i think so.

boy: but why did you leave?

girl: because i have to.

boy: have to what? let go of me?

girl: no.

boy: but, why did you leave? you know how i felt when you left.

girl: you tried to make me decide without having to explain my side.

boy: so, you just left me out in the open?

girl: no, i just need to find the right words to say.

both stopped.

girl looks to boy. gives a smile. then a hug.

girl: you know what i meant, right?

boy: no, i don’t.

girl: sometimes you just need to know the right words to convey the perfect message. i can never say what i really want to say. i left because i don’t want you to get the wrong notion of things. i left because i have to.

boy: so, you were gone for so long to get the right words to say?

girl: i never really got what i’m looking for.

boy: why?

girl: because the words that i’m looking for can’t fit with what i want to say.

boy: i really don’t get it.

girl: of course you do. you just don’t want to understand it.

boy: but really, i don’t.

girl: you don’t understand it ‘cause you’re using your head to figure it out.

boy: what should i do?

girl: follow your heart.

girl holds the boy’s hand.

girl: you know this don’t you?

boy: when you left me?

girl: no, the one in the cinema.

boy: i never got what you were trying to say.

girl: ‘cause you never really wanted to.

boy stares at her hands. holds it lightly. then looks at her.

boy: you know i wanted you.

girl: but you never cared.

boys lets go.

boy: the fact that i was always beside you should have meant something. i tried to be me and i always tried to be there for you. i was always there for you. it even came to a point that i had to disregard everything just to be with you. didn’t you feel something?

girl: it was your choice.

boy: and you know it was for you.

girl: you want to know why you didn’t care?

boy: why?

girl: ‘cause your words only told your side. you never saw mine.

boy: but my actions did.

girl: only for a while.

boy stops. frowns. then looks down. girl holds his hands again. stares at him. the boy smiles.

girl: now you know why its hard for me to say the right words.

boy: so it seems.

both looks at each other. girl lets go of his hands. boy tries to catch hers.

boy: is it really hard to say?

girl: it does.

boy: so, where do we go from here?

girl: i can never really say.

boy: ‘cause its hard to say the right words?

girl: no. ‘cause i don’t want you to expect something.

boy: its been a long time.

girl: but time really didn’t help me decide.

boy: and you left.

girl: ‘cause i wanted to realize…

boy: realize what?

girl pauses. boy lets go of her hand. both had a long pause.

boy: its been seven years.

girl: you never really cared.

boy: its been too long.

girl: but you never understood what it meant.

boy: i waited for you.

girl: i’ve been there for you for the longest time.

boy: you were never there.

girl: i was.

boy: seems you didn’t.

girl: you never asked.

boy stops. girl looks at him. rests her head on his shoulder. closes her eyes.

boy: you know i still love you.

girl: i never did.

boy stands up. leaves. girl cries incessantly.

.from my dec. 18, 2009 entry @ paolodedios.multiply.com

.i miss writing.